today's pop culture -in sum- by Kuppy

Latest

Terrell Owens and Greyhound Bus Lines

Homie Rating: 9 out of 10

Professional athletes tend to have a reputation for overspending and flaunting their cash, but what happens when the flow starts to slow to a mere trickle?  T.O. is admittedly low (ish) on his savings.  I’m gonna go ahead and speculate that his version of ‘low’ might be able to buy me a brand new house AND a car outright.  HOWEVER… if he feels like funds are tight, I respect him for dialing things back a bit.  Regardless of the fact that he has blown his money like it was the only thing that could save the economy, homeboy decided to celebrate his birthday with a modest dinner with a small group of loved ones.  The dinner probably cost within a few thousand dollars (again- complete speculation), but after the amount he has spent on previous birthdays for himself, I’d say this is fairly reasonable.

I love when celebrities act like normal people and keep their priorities straight.  Way to go T.O.  You’re my ‘Homie‘ of the week.  And happy belated b-day:))

Alec Baldwin.  You sure do 30 Rock my world… your acting keeps a smile on my face.  Of course, you have your douche bag moments.  But even complete tools have moments of lucidity.  While on an American Airlines flight, Baldwin got the boot for poor behavior towards one flight attendant in particular regarding using his phone while the cabin door was closed (even though they had been waiting at the gate for over 15 minutes).  He issued an apology in an article on Huffingtonpost.com, relating his experience to what a person might go through on a Greyhound bus.  So, of course Greyhound got wind of the statement and jumped on the defensive, rattling off its numbers of annual passengers blah blah blah.  Ummm, the only reason you have 17.6 million passengers each year is because you’re cheap.  If they could afford to fly, you better believe your ass that only about 0.6 million passengers would use you, and that’s because they’re afraid of heights.  Quit being dumb and defensive and realize the truth of the matter.

Jackhole Rating: 7 out of 10

No one wants to sit on a bus for a whole day (or three) until they get to their long-awaited destination you crazy fool.  Greyhound, I gotta make you my bitchJackhole.’

Tareq Salahi and Michaele Salahi

Although I find both Tareq and Michaele Salahi (married, but estranged) to display signs of ‘Jackhole‘ tendencies, I truly find Michaele to be more of a victim than a participant.

Tareq Salahi gets my ‘Jackhole‘ award this week, and here’s why:

‘Jackhole’ Rating: 9.5

This guy is one crazy son-of-a-bitch.  The couple, first made infamous by their stint of crashing a White House State Dinner two years ago, also made a name for themselves as part of the rookie cast of Bravo’s Real Housewives of Washington D.C.  Before taping  of the first season finished, Tareq (who, by the way, convinced a long string of White House employees that the pair had been invited to the State Dinner and cost each of the employees their job) always seemed to be the brains of the operation, with Michaele simply parroting any b.s. she had been fed.  This husband snuck himself and his bride into a number of invite-only parties.  When taken before the U.S. House of Representatives Homeland Security Committee for a hearing, the couple’s attorney advised them to plead the fifth, literally, to every single question they were asked…. and they did.

About two weeks ago, the two announced their split, with Michaele moving out.  Almost immediately, their Doberman Pinscher became depressed and died last week.  Tareq publicly blames Michaele for the dog’s death.  Granted, she was the more sane of the two and Rio’s animal instincts probably led him to trust her more.  I don’t blame Michaele for leaving, but I DO blame her for not taking that poor animal with her.  That man belongs in a nut house and a week and a half alone with him would be enough to cause any of us to have a heart attack and die.

‘Homie’ Rating: 7

Meanwhile, Michaele claims to be happy and ‘in love‘ with a guitarist for Journey, Neal Schon.  Salahi has been attending concerts backstage as well as picking up some new make up trends to perfect a rock-and-roll girlfriend look.  Good for you, girl.  Regardless of the fact that you are a touch mindless, you had enough good sense to get the hell away from that manipulative, pathological liar.

Homie‘ of the week goes to Michaele.  This should be a message to all the ladies out there that need a little encouragement to leave that ridiculous man you’re with.

Adam Lambert and Ashton Kutcher

Homie Rating: 8 out of 10

Adam, Adam, Adam… May I just say that your rendition of Johnny Cash’s ‘Ring of Fire‘ was amazing to me.  You are a true inspiration as an innovator and if you didn’t sometimes like boys, I would be so into you.  Which makes it so easy to brag on you for mentoring aspiring artists this week.

Adam Lambert, American Idol Finalist in 2009, dropped by for an hour and a half to advise and [hopefully] inspire participants on the show ‘Majors & Minors.’  He says that his advice may be a touch more valuable than those who have been around the block time and time again due to his more recent ‘tried and true’ efforts.  Currently, he is still fighting industry trends to make a career for himself. Not to mention, those who teach while they’re still learning have the potential to learn much, much more.  I’m definitely looking forward to what else you have to offer the community of young artists.  The only way I could rate you higher is if you were to mentor orphans.

Way to give back, ‘Homie!‘  Keep on keepin’ on:)

Jackhole Rating: 10 out of 10

Now on to Ashton.  My handsome Hollywood player.  I will admit to finding your twinkling eyes and dazzling smile somewhat irresistible.  But you had one of the hottest actresses EVER, and you blew it.

Demi Moore, Ashton’s wife of 6 years, announced plans for divorce this week.  Nothing has been confirmed, yet, but it’s likely to be due to Kutcher’s Tiger-like cheating.  The two have been seeking counseling from their Kabbalah center recently at an attempt to repair their recently broken marriage.  After reports of his infidelity, Kutcher was confronted by Moore’s (incredibly intimidating) ex-husband, Bruce Willis.  Willis got in Kutcher’s face, and rightfully so.  When reports of the Willis-Moore divorce surfaced, there was no real reason given and there had even been reports shortly thereafter about a possible reconciliation/remarriage.  However, Moore met Kutcher and married the cub instead.  I think Bruce has many regrets and was not willing to see Kutcher mess things up with a woman who is clearly a valued prize.  He told Kutcher that the couple needed to seek counseling from a licensed professional who specializes in marriage, and that he needed to quit fooling around with the bullshit of being an infidel.  Kutcher cried and agreed.  It’s only been a week, now, since the report of this confrontation came about and Demi is ready to call it quits.  As a girl who has been compared to Demi (for my fabulous taste in younger men), I applaud her and encourage her to get the hell out while she can and not let Ashton’s pretty face suck her back in.

You  blew it with one of the classiest, hottest, chillest women in Los Angelos.  Way to go, ‘Jackhole.’

Rihanna and Soulja Boy

Rihanna is a survivor. Born in Barbados, homegirl was raised in a dysfunctional home with an alcoholic father. Since moving to the states in 2005, she has released hit after hit, she models, and has a wildly successful fragrance. As a child, she suffered from terrible headaches but she hid her pain and refused to let her friends at school see her as abnormal. She had the same mindset when news broke about domestic abuse from her then-boyfriend, Chris Brown. I’m pretty sure no one would have blamed her if occasionally she would have asked for a Tylenol to help her feel better or if she, oh… I don’t know, went to report domestic abuse to the police. Instead, she has taken it all in stride and put on an act of being tough… until she actually began to believe it herself.

The video for Rihanna’s most recent single, ‘We Found Love,’ might be the most revealing and intimate video she’s ever made. Certain obvious parallels to her relationship with Brown are depicted as if their passion for each other were a drug. In spite of any bad that happens from it, all the two want is to be together. Ending with RiRi walking out, she makes it clear that she has mentally and physically moved on from her former love.

Rihanna is our ‘Homegirl’ of the week.  Between becoming a spokesperson against domestic abuse and laying all her cards on the table w this vid, she is someone for many to admire.

Soulja Boy Tell ‘Em.  You have recently been showing off with your new chains, and by spending $300,000 on your 21st birthday in July.  The H2 and Lamborghini you drive, while typical and not surprising, are mighty expensive.  Multiple guns are regularly in your possession, whether you carry a license for each of them may be questionable.  And on the afternoon of October 18th, you were arrested for drug possession (with intention to sell) and multiple firearms.  If I were struggling to pay that kind of a bar tab, I’d be hustlin’, too.  Legit- these are all super predictable for your line of work.  HOWEVER– I am disgusted at the location in which the drugs and tens of thousands of dollars were found.  A BRIEFCASE?  Really??  As if that is the least conspicuous way you could possibly transport and distribute.  My father has been working at an office job for the last 35 years and not once has he needed a briefcase, or even an attache, and he’s a middle-aged white man.  What makes you think that a 21 year old rapper can pull off holding a briefcase for even a second without being suspected of being up to something?  Whatever.  Do what you want.  I’m just sayin if you don’t hot-box the car or carry your shit around in a briefcase, you might get away with a little more than you do.  Oh, and hire a car service who regularly changes out their tail lights so the risk of all this bologna will significantly decrease.

Soulja Boy, you are the ‘Jackhole’ of the week.  Find yourself a Crown Royal bag or its EQ.

Steve Jobs and Sarah Palin

Steve Jobs.  In spite of my ignorance of his existence until after his passing, this man is our homie of the week.  His list of achievements with technological advancements in this world is probably the same length as that of Benjamin Franklin, if not longer. He used to kill time at Hewlett-Packard as a teen and design games at Atari until he and Steve Wozniak began Apple Computers.  The Steves were credited with making a computer more user-friendly, designing a smaller and less expensive device.  Then, leaving Apple after a few less successful products, Jobs bought a company from George Lucas which later became known as Pixar.  Because of this, he became Disney’s largest share holder five years ago.  Umm, are you kidding?  In 1997, Jobs returned to Apple, and we all know the awesomeness that has resulted from the last decade and a half.

Like I said, I had no idea who this particular man was until he passed away last week, but nonetheless I have grown to appreciate him after even the briefest of research.  ‘Homie’ of the week goes to Steve Jobs for having revolutionized the revolution.

Sarah Palin is about the medium-sharpest tool in the shed.   I mean, clearly, she’s not completely stupid.  But I really really think she might max out at the local level.  Some personalities, opinions, and senses of humor are only appreciated regionally.  That being said, Mrs. Palin may have had a better time staying Russia-adjacent.  She has become a perpetual laughing stock of the nation and, aside from a loyal band of only semi-crazy followers, has not progressed very far in the political world.  Lately, Palin is more of a personality that shows up unexpectedly, says nothing of real value, and then is gone just as quickly as she came, usually leaving people bewildered, wondering what the hell she just said.

Recently, Sarah asked a judge to extend a restraining order against a father-son duo who threatened the lives of all things Palin.  I know, I know… death threats are not necessarily indicative of professional failure.  Sometimes they can be indicative of the opposite, in fact.  But when the only true, tangible success lately has been a book you wrote about the moose you saw in your backyard, I’m going to say that stalkers are not indicative of immense success.

Whether it’s ranting about the Tea Party versus Occupy Wall Street or asking for more security, I’m going to say most of the thoughts that cross this woman’s mind are invalid.

Sarah, you are the ‘Jackhole’ this week.  May you be laughed right out of -ANY- office.

Taylor Armstrong and Scarlett Johansson

When I first came up with the concept for this blog, I immediately thought of the tragedy that Taylor Armstrong (Real Housewives of Beverly Hills) went through recently.  On August 15, 2011, Taylor and a family friend found her estranged husband, Russell Armstrong, dead in his rented West Hollywood home.  Russell had hanged himself from a beam in his bedroom.  Entertainment reporters were making it out to be a Bravo scandal, like it had more to do with I-won’t-sue-Bravo-if- clauses in contracts than an actual tragedy someone had suffered.  I planned to expose Bravo, among other reality show networks, and paint them in the worst Jackhole light ever.  Unfortunately, after some research, I learned that this really had nothing to do with cameras or limelight.  This was something that happened due to real-life choices and grievances.

It is incredibly terrible that someone would have to suffer this kind of heartbreak after already in the public eye.  Not to mention the fact that this happened not too long after Russell had apparently seen an x-ray of Taylor’s skull.  Reports after Russell’s death claim that Russell had abused Taylor almost two dozen times during the course of their marriage, once during her pregnancy with their daughter. According to Taylor, she doesn’t think Russell saw himself as an abuser until he saw the incredible damage that the most recent occurrence had caused.  Shortly thereafter, he missed a scheduled meeting with his estranged wife and was not answering his phone.  Fearing the worst, Taylor and a family friend went to check on him, only to find him passed away inside.

This week, our ‘Homie‘ title goes to Taylor. I know you loved your husband, and my heart goes out to you and your family at this time.

Now, for something on a lighter note.  Scarlett Johansson.  Oh, how I already loathed thee.  And now, you have to stoop so low as to involve the FBI in the matter of your phone being hacked??  Are you insane?! Our country needs every dollar it can possibly hang onto and you’re asking our tax payers to find the people who publicized your nude photos? Guess what, hussie! You’re famous. If you take nude photos, make a sex tape, or even sext someone, it’s getting leaked! End of story. Don’t be so idiotic as to think that you are the ONE invincible celebrity who will escape that fate. Not to mention the fact that you should be happy. All press is good press, no? I was beginning to forget about you. Had it not been for the hacking of your phone, I would have been happy never hearing your name again. Mila Kunis (who I would never forget) went through the same situation not too long ago, and she has no comment. If you want to keep these things off of the public’s mind: lay low, RE: with ‘no comment,’ and call your rep to dig you out of this embarrassment. You could learn something from Ms. Kunis, you spoiled little shit.

‘Jackhole’ of the week goes to you, Scarlett. As if I needed one more reason to hate you.

About Kuppy

Growing up, I didn’t have a ton of friends.  And my mother, bless her heart, raised two daughters as a single parent.  Which meant that, in order for her to put food on the table, pay the mortgage, etc, she had to work long hours every week.  Even after the three of us cleaned up after dinner, my mother was so exhausted that she would immediately turn on the tv set.  Consequently, I was raised by the television; all of my life lessons came from the Disney Channel, Nickelodeon, and Nick at Nite.  Before and after school, Saturday mornings, you name it.  I had my schedule of shows and nothing was going to interrupt it.  The late 80’s version of Pooh’s Corner (Winnie the Pooh) was how I learned to set a table.   As I hit adolescence and the inevitable Saved-By-the-Bell age, my preference evolved into channels like TBS, WGN, and of course MTV and VH1.  Pop culture became my world.

Following suit, I now use television as a way to unwind from my day.  These days, my shows are primarily on Style, E!, and Bravo.  (There ARE shows that I watch which are more educational and mentally stimulating, however, they add nothing to the purpose of this blog.)  Consequently, I have watched a ridiculous number of stars dating back to Fergie’s big break on Kids Incorporated.

I love reading magazines on the different stars’ lives, watching what they do with their fame.  True to form with most Americans, I ignore Cameron Diaz when she preaches about saving the planet (although I really do support her efforts), and I melt with happiness when Lindsay Lohan has an incredibly public breakdown.

Given my history, I feel incredibly qualified not only to judge, but also to qualify celebrities.  They have put themselves under a magnifying glass by making their lives public, thus I feel no shame in my opinions.  And so, folks, I give you: Homies and Jackholes… a series of blogs in which I will pass judgment and place celebrities (A-List to D-List) into one category or the other based on current activity in their lives.