Alright people… bad news first!
I didn’t get a position that I worked super hard for… which just goes to show that it can matter more that you know the owner from a previous company, and it doesn’t always matter how much overtime a person puts in. It was orchestrated so that a third ‘impartial party’ would come in to arrange the promotion, so that nothing raised suspicions. But here’s the deal: she has been here the least amount of time, and knows far less information about our department than I do. And that’s not even the most annoying part. Her first communication as our
ruthless fearless leader? An email with the subject ‘TEAM LEAD’ in all caps, requesting that we be patient with her as she learns everything she needs to know.
The kicker? I’m already one foot out the door, so I really am taking all of this with a grain of salt. Maria, you are a stinkin’ JACKHOLE. Okay, she’s not a jackhole, she came and apologized for essentially black balling me. But still. The now I know where I rank with the owner, and it’s not giving me any incentive to stick around.
Which leads perfectly into my next update…
That interview from last week that was rescheduled for Tuesday? NAILEDDDDD ITTT! I showed up looking On. Fleek… Business dress, natural makeup, new heels. I had my folder filled with four copies of my newly designed resume and references – printed on Executive Bright White paper from FedEx Kinkos. I sweetly greeted the receptionist, because you know those ladies report how applicants behave, and she handed me a clipboard of paperwork to fill out.
Now, I should explain this company a little– They are an amazing staffing agency who focus mainly on temp-to-hire. Everything is long term, no crappy companies, etc. So Mr. Will walked out to greet me, and I apologized for last week. He brushed it off and thanked me for following up so well. We walk into his office, and he asks if I would be okay with someone sitting in on the interview. I tell him of course… he does a double take and asks, “It wouldn’t intimidate you, right?” and with an air of humor and confidence I reply, “Nah, I’m a good interviewer!” With one eye down the hall, waving Hannah into the office, and one eye on me, I could tell he was already impressed, and laughing. I won’t bore you with details, but I will say this: he ranked me in the top 3 of his last 20 applicants, he laughed at my salary request, but said he can get me there (relatively soon), and he kept emphasizing “WHEN you come to work for us…” They don’t accept everyone, only about 25% of the applicants. He is going to look for an opening that would be a good fit, and since I’m currently working, we’re in no hurry which is great. It was a dream interview. We literally walked to the lobby laughing, shook hands, and parted ways. Legit, I felt like a regular Courtney Kerr walking out of a BaubleBar meeting!
I can’t wait to hear back from Mr. Will. That reminds me— I need to send a thank you card asap! HOMIE this week goes to me. Kuppy. I deserve this.
Okay, so let’s just say for the record, I have always loved the Real Housewives. Dating back to the first episode of Orange County six years ago, my dream has always to become even a third as successful as these women. Many of them are down to earth, making time for their children, reading the Bible and putting God first, and holding each others’ hands during times of true heartache.
However, I have a couple of fundamental issues that are bothering me regarding their actions and their speech, so let’s dive right in, shall we?
First and foremost, let’s be honest. I’m not super familiar with Heather’s financial situation, but ALL of the other four women have issues in that department. Either they are stressed about being the breadwinner for their families, or they can’t make the mortgage payment without the help of a spouse (happy or estranged). They’re dating men who can’t pay the same amount of child support as they could have in 2007, or they’re trying to beat the system of ‘foreclosure.’ None of them have room to talk, and yet, they always find the time to sit under a nice shady grove and spill some tea. For shame. Even if any of the ladies did have wonderful finances, shouldn’t they (as many of them are self-proclaimed God-fearing citizens) feel empathy rather than self-righteousness? In this great, capitalist country in which we live, the economy is capable of slipping. So the only thing we can do, or should do, is be supportive of each other and try to make tomorrow a better day.
Secondly, can we please talk about the grammatical errors that these women use far too regularly?! I know that I’m no one spectacular, but if nothing else, I am well-spoken and I chew with my mouth closed. I don’t know, isn’t that pretty much the bare minimum?? Many of these girls use incorrect grammar constantly and it has gotten on my last nerve. I look up to Vicki like crazy, simply due to her resilience in relationships and in finance. However, when she says the word, ‘I,’ when she should use the word, ‘me,’ I just want to punch her. Grammar lesson, Ladies!! If, when you take all of the other subjects out of a sentence, the correct pronoun for yourself is ‘me,’ then when you put all the other subjects back in, you say, ‘me!!’ I know it sounds like the opposite of what we were taught in elementary school, however, the fact remains that you weren’t listening well enough. Please. I beg of you. Take a grammar lesson so you can return to the top of my list of mentors. At that juncture, I may be able to -once again- overlook all of your ridiculous drama. Okay, I take that back. I love the drama. Keep that ridiculousness coming.
Homies AND Jackholes this week: RHOC
Sammi ‘The sweetest
bitch you’ll ever meet’ Giancola isss hilarious. I have never been into watching Jersey Shore, but my roommates are die-hard and I don’t have cable in my room. Thus, my new favorite reality personality.
In Season 5, Episode 4 of Jersey Shore, the cast was partying at Karma, as per the norm. Supposedly out of nowhere, Sammi was ‘attacked by like a swarm of f******
bitches.’ Apparently, they pulled her hair and threw her drink. She definitely threw down before literally being thrown through the front door by bouncers. As the rest of the cast joined her on the walk back to their beach house, Ronnie made the comment that Sammi was bleeding. Without skipping a beat, Sammi shouts, “Did you see me? It was me against the WORLDDD! AND I still held my clutch! You don’t yank my newly weave, that I just got… I was always taught to like, self-defend myself.” BAAAAAhahahahaha! Really? I love.
You are my ‘Homie’ of the week, Sam. Don’t let nobody mess with your drink, your clutch, or your newly weave!
Snooki. Really? That’s all I can say to your struggle that is Season 5’s Episode 5, immediately following your lack of bladder control.
Nicole -Snooki- Polizzi actually peed down her leg. …Half drunk laughing, half embarrassed, this meatball ran to the
ladies room in Karma, sprayed her ‘kooka‘ multiple times to give herself a ‘Shore Shower‘. She didn’t fully clean herself, she didn’t wash her hands, and she shouted, “I’m not dirty!!!” —OKAY PAUSE!!! Yes you ARE dirty, lady! Lol are you out of your mind?! Sick McNasty!— Before going out the next night, Snooki prepared herself with backup (booty shorts over her panties) as a proactive measure. After waking up, Snooki called for a doctor’s appointment and was later diagnosed with a UTI. Her very professional views as a graduated vet tech — drink enough alcohol to numb the pain in her mind and in her kooka. Regardless of the fact that you provide me with many brain-cell-losing laughter, you, my friend are a Jackhole.
‘Jackhole.’ Lol that’s all I can say at this point in time.
Professional athletes tend to have a reputation for overspending and flaunting their cash, but what happens when the flow starts to slow to a mere trickle? T.O. is admittedly low (ish) on his savings. I’m gonna go ahead and speculate that his version of ‘low’ might be able to buy me a brand new house AND a car outright. HOWEVER… if he feels like funds are tight, I respect him for dialing things back a bit. Regardless of the fact that he has blown his money like it was the only thing that could save the economy, homeboy decided to celebrate his birthday with a modest dinner with a small group of loved ones. The dinner probably cost within a few thousand dollars (again- complete speculation), but after the amount he has spent on previous birthdays for himself, I’d say this is fairly reasonable.
I love when celebrities act like normal people and keep their priorities straight. Way to go T.O. You’re my ‘Homie‘ of the week. And happy belated b-day:))
Alec Baldwin. You sure do 30 Rock my world… your acting keeps a smile on my face. Of course, you have your douche bag moments. But even complete tools have moments of lucidity. While on an American Airlines flight, Baldwin got the boot for poor behavior towards one flight attendant in particular regarding using his phone while the cabin door was closed (even though they had been waiting at the gate for over 15 minutes). He issued an apology in an article on Huffingtonpost.com, relating his experience to what a person might go through on a Greyhound bus. So, of course Greyhound got wind of the statement and jumped on the defensive, rattling off its numbers of annual passengers blah blah blah. Ummm, the only reason you have 17.6 million passengers each year is because you’re cheap. If they could afford to fly, you better believe your ass that only about 0.6 million passengers would use you, and that’s because they’re afraid of heights. Quit being dumb and defensive and realize the truth of the matter.
No one wants to sit on a bus for a whole day (or three) until they get to their long-awaited destination you crazy fool. Greyhound, I gotta make you my
Although I find both Tareq and Michaele Salahi (married, but estranged) to display signs of ‘Jackhole‘ tendencies, I truly find Michaele to be more of a victim than a participant.
Tareq Salahi gets my ‘Jackhole‘ award this week, and here’s why:
This guy is one crazy
son-of-a-bitch. The couple, first made infamous by their stint of crashing a White House State Dinner two years ago, also made a name for themselves as part of the rookie cast of Bravo’s Real Housewives of Washington D.C. Before taping of the first season finished, Tareq (who, by the way, convinced a long string of White House employees that the pair had been invited to the State Dinner and cost each of the employees their job) always seemed to be the brains of the operation, with Michaele simply parroting any b.s. she had been fed. This husband snuck himself and his bride into a number of invite-only parties. When taken before the U.S. House of Representatives Homeland Security Committee for a hearing, the couple’s attorney advised them to plead the fifth, literally, to every single question they were asked…. and they did.
About two weeks ago, the two announced their split, with Michaele moving out. Almost immediately, their Doberman Pinscher became depressed and died last week. Tareq publicly blames Michaele for the dog’s death. Granted, she was the more sane of the two and Rio’s animal instincts probably led him to trust her more. I don’t blame Michaele for leaving, but I DO blame her for not taking that poor animal with her. That man belongs in a nut house and a week and a half alone with him would be enough to cause any of us to have a heart attack and die.
Meanwhile, Michaele claims to be happy and ‘in love‘ with a guitarist for Journey, Neal Schon. Salahi has been attending concerts backstage as well as picking up some new make up trends to perfect a rock-and-roll girlfriend look. Good for you, girl. Regardless of the fact that you are a touch mindless, you had enough good sense to get the hell away from that manipulative, pathological liar.
‘Homie‘ of the week goes to Michaele. This should be a message to all the ladies out there that need a little encouragement to leave that ridiculous man you’re with.
Rihanna is a survivor. Born in Barbados, homegirl was raised in a dysfunctional home with an alcoholic father. Since moving to the states in 2005, she has released hit after hit, she models, and has a wildly successful fragrance. As a child, she suffered from terrible headaches but she hid her pain and refused to let her friends at school see her as abnormal. She had the same mindset when news broke about domestic abuse from her then-boyfriend, Chris Brown. I’m pretty sure no one would have blamed her if occasionally she would have asked for a Tylenol to help her feel better or if she, oh… I don’t know, went to report domestic abuse to the police. Instead, she has taken it all in stride and put on an act of being tough… until she actually began to believe it herself.
The video for Rihanna’s most recent single, ‘We Found Love,’ might be the most revealing and intimate video she’s ever made. Certain obvious parallels to her relationship with Brown are depicted as if their passion for each other were a drug. In spite of any bad that happens from it, all the two want is to be together. Ending with RiRi walking out, she makes it clear that she has mentally and physically moved on from her former love.
Rihanna is our ‘Homegirl’ of the week. Between becoming a spokesperson against domestic abuse and laying all her cards on the table w this vid, she is someone for many to admire.
Soulja Boy Tell ‘Em. You have recently been showing off with your new chains, and by spending $300,000 on your 21st birthday in July. The H2 and Lamborghini you drive, while typical and not surprising, are mighty expensive. Multiple guns are regularly in your possession, whether you carry a license for each of them may be questionable. And on the afternoon of October 18th, you were arrested for drug possession (with intention to sell) and multiple firearms. If I were struggling to pay that kind of a bar tab, I’d be hustlin’, too. Legit- these are all super predictable for your line of work. HOWEVER– I am disgusted at the location in which the drugs and tens of thousands of dollars were found. A BRIEFCASE? Really?? As if that is the least conspicuous way you could possibly transport and distribute. My father has been working at an office job for the last 35 years and not once has he needed a briefcase, or even an attache, and he’s a middle-aged white man. What makes you think that a 21 year old rapper can pull off holding a briefcase for even a second without being suspected of being up to something? Whatever. Do what you want. I’m just sayin if you don’t hot-box the car or carry your shit around in a briefcase, you might get away with a little more than you do. Oh, and hire a car service who regularly changes out their tail lights so the risk of all this bologna will significantly decrease.
Soulja Boy, you are the ‘Jackhole’ of the week. Find yourself a Crown Royal bag or its EQ.
When I first came up with the concept for this blog, I immediately thought of the tragedy that Taylor Armstrong (Real Housewives of Beverly Hills) went through recently. On August 15, 2011, Taylor and a family friend found her estranged husband, Russell Armstrong, dead in his rented West Hollywood home. Russell had hanged himself from a beam in his bedroom. Entertainment reporters were making it out to be a Bravo scandal, like it had more to do with I-won’t-sue-Bravo-if- clauses in contracts than an actual tragedy someone had suffered. I planned to expose Bravo, among other reality show networks, and paint them in the worst Jackhole light ever. Unfortunately, after some research, I learned that this really had nothing to do with cameras or limelight. This was something that happened due to real-life choices and grievances.
It is incredibly terrible that someone would have to suffer this kind of heartbreak after already in the public eye. Not to mention the fact that this happened not too long after Russell had apparently seen an x-ray of Taylor’s skull. Reports after Russell’s death claim that Russell had abused Taylor almost two dozen times during the course of their marriage, once during her pregnancy with their daughter. According to Taylor, she doesn’t think Russell saw himself as an abuser until he saw the incredible damage that the most recent occurrence had caused. Shortly thereafter, he missed a scheduled meeting with his estranged wife and was not answering his phone. Fearing the worst, Taylor and a family friend went to check on him, only to find him passed away inside.
This week, our ‘Homie‘ title goes to Taylor. I know you loved your husband, and my heart goes out to you and your family at this time.
Now, for something on a lighter note. Scarlett Johansson. Oh, how I already loathed thee. And now, you have to stoop so low as to involve the FBI in the matter of your phone being hacked?? Are you insane?! Our country needs every dollar it can possibly hang onto and you’re asking our tax payers to find the people who publicized your nude photos? Guess what, hussie! You’re famous. If you take nude photos, make a sex tape, or even sext someone, it’s getting leaked! End of story. Don’t be so idiotic as to think that you are the ONE invincible celebrity who will escape that fate. Not to mention the fact that you should be happy. All press is good press, no? I was beginning to forget about you. Had it not been for the hacking of your phone, I would have been happy never hearing your name again. Mila Kunis (who I would never forget) went through the same situation not too long ago, and she has no comment. If you want to keep these things off of the public’s mind: lay low, RE: with ‘no comment,’ and call your rep to dig you out of this embarrassment. You could learn something from Ms. Kunis, you spoiled little shit.
‘Jackhole’ of the week goes to you, Scarlett. As if I needed one more reason to hate you.