today's pop culture -in sum- by Kuppy

Actors

Vicki Gunvalson, Tamra Barney, Gretchen Rossi, Alexis Bellino, and Heather Dubrow

Okay, so let’s just say for the record, I have always loved the Real Housewives. Dating back to the first episode of Orange County six years ago, my dream has always to become even a third as successful as these women. Many of them are down to earth, making time for their children, reading the Bible and putting God first, and holding each others’ hands during times of true heartache.

However, I have a couple of fundamental issues that are bothering me regarding their actions and their speech, so let’s dive right in, shall we?

First and foremost, let’s be honest. I’m not super familiar with Heather’s financial situation, but ALL of the other four women have issues in that department. Either they are stressed about being the breadwinner for their families, or they can’t make the mortgage payment without the help of a spouse (happy or estranged). They’re dating men who can’t pay the same amount of child support as they could have in 2007, or they’re trying to beat the system of ‘foreclosure.’ None of them have room to talk, and yet, they always find the time to sit under a nice shady grove and spill some tea.  For shame. Even if any of the ladies did have wonderful finances, shouldn’t they (as many of them are self-proclaimed God-fearing citizens) feel empathy rather than self-righteousness? In this great, capitalist country in which we live, the economy is capable of slipping. So the only thing we can do, or should do, is be supportive of each other and try to make tomorrow a better day.

Secondly, can we please talk about the grammatical errors that these women use far too regularly?! I know that I’m no one spectacular, but if nothing else, I am well-spoken and I chew with my mouth closed. I don’t know, isn’t that pretty much the bare minimum?? Many of these girls use incorrect grammar constantly and it has gotten on my last nerve. I look up to Vicki like crazy, simply due to her resilience in relationships and in finance. However, when she says the word, ‘I,’ when she should use the word, ‘me,’ I just want to punch her. Grammar lesson, Ladies!!  If, when you take all of the other subjects out of a sentence, the correct pronoun for yourself is ‘me,’ then when you put all the other subjects back in, you say, ‘me!!’ I know it sounds like the opposite of what we were taught in elementary school, however, the fact remains that you weren’t listening well enough. Please. I beg of you. Take a grammar lesson so you can return to the top of my list of mentors. At that juncture, I may be able to -once again- overlook all of your ridiculous drama. Okay, I take that back. I love the drama. Keep that ridiculousness coming.

Homies AND Jackholes this week: RHOC

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Sammie -Sweetheart- Giancola and Nicole -Snooki- Polizzi

Homie Rating: 8 out of 10

Sammi ‘The sweetest bitch you’ll ever meet’ Giancola isss hilarious. I have never been into watching Jersey Shore, but my roommates are die-hard and I don’t have cable in my room. Thus, my new favorite reality personality.

In Season 5, Episode 4 of Jersey Shore, the cast was partying at Karma, as per the norm. Supposedly out of nowhere, Sammi was ‘attacked by like a swarm of f****** bitches.’ Apparently, they pulled her hair and threw her drink. She definitely threw down before literally being thrown through the front door by bouncers. As the rest of the cast joined her on the walk back to their beach house, Ronnie made the comment that Sammi was bleeding. Without skipping a beat, Sammi shouts, “Did you see me? It was me against the WORLDDD! AND I still held my clutch!  You don’t yank my newly weave, that I just got… I was always taught to like, self-defend myself.” BAAAAAhahahahaha! Really? I love.

You are my ‘Homie’ of the week, Sam. Don’t let nobody mess with your drink, your clutch, or your newly weave!

Jackhole Rating: 11 out of 10

Snooki. Really? That’s all I can say to your struggle that is Season 5’s Episode 5, immediately following your lack of bladder control.

Nicole -Snooki- Polizzi actually peed down her leg. …Half drunk laughing, half embarrassed, this meatball ran to the ladies room in Karma, sprayed her ‘kooka‘ multiple times to give herself a ‘Shore Shower‘. She didn’t fully clean herself, she didn’t wash her hands, and she shouted, “I’m not dirty!!!”  —OKAY PAUSE!!! Yes you ARE dirty, lady! Lol are you out of your mind?! Sick McNasty!— Before going out the next night, Snooki prepared herself with backup (booty shorts over her panties) as a proactive measure. After waking up, Snooki called for a doctor’s appointment and was later diagnosed with a UTI. Her very professional views as a graduated vet tech — drink enough alcohol to numb the pain in her mind and in her kooka. Regardless of the fact that you provide me with many brain-cell-losing laughter, you, my friend are a Jackhole.

Jackhole.’  Lol that’s all I can say at this point in time.