When I was 18, surviving my first year of college in the fall of 2000, I bought potatoes, pasta, and cereal bars to be mindful of my ‘budget.’ The truth was, I was only responsible for utilities and my personal expenses; I was lucky enough to have tuition and rent paid by my parents….. AND my aunt was sending me over $100 a month. ………AND I had a part time job. So really, not only could I have been buying real meat, but I should have been putting money away like a female Warren Buffett.
Jackhole move: Depriving myself of actual nutrients because I thought I was supposed to.
Cut to current day, Spring of 2016… I am 33, am only 25 credits shy of a bachelor’s (I think finishing my degree scares me at this point), I’m exhausted, I’m a glorified cashier working every SINGLE Saturday and Sunday like a damn high school kid, and I’m making exactly a living wage. Did I mention I’m exhausted? On top of all of this fun trivia, somewhere along the line, I convinced my dad he shouldn’t pay any more towards my degree and I began racking up student loans. So between changing majors about 78 times, and ‘going back to school full time,’ I have hit the maximum amount of attempted credits the federal government will acknowledge, and they refuse to give me any more money. And not to say that’s a bad thing… My student loan payment each month is ridiculous. But at this point, I am well on my way to my mid-30’s, I have a roommate in a mediocre apartment complex, and I ACTUALLY have to eat on $5 a day.
Recently, I began realizing how incredibly pathetic my life is without weekends off, or money to travel. It’s time for a change, but without my degree, I’m looking at glorified administrative assistant positions. But where will I get the money? I could make payments, but even the advertised ‘affordable’ schools want $300-500 per month. Holy crap. So I came to a terribly late, but wonderfully optimistic conclusion: I will go back to school paid strictly by scholarships. WHATTTTTT? I know other people have done so, but I’ve never had faith in what I consider to be something of a lottery. So here goes… I’m going back to school, I’m applying for scholarships, and when I get enough of those bad boys, I will sign up for classes.
Homie move: No additional debt, and future Weekend Warrior status.
Alright people… bad news first!
I didn’t get a position that I worked super hard for… which just goes to show that it can matter more that you know the owner from a previous company, and it doesn’t always matter how much overtime a person puts in. It was orchestrated so that a third ‘impartial party’ would come in to arrange the promotion, so that nothing raised suspicions. But here’s the deal: she has been here the least amount of time, and knows far less information about our department than I do. And that’s not even the most annoying part. Her first communication as our
ruthless fearless leader? An email with the subject ‘TEAM LEAD’ in all caps, requesting that we be patient with her as she learns everything she needs to know.
The kicker? I’m already one foot out the door, so I really am taking all of this with a grain of salt. Maria, you are a stinkin’ JACKHOLE. Okay, she’s not a jackhole, she came and apologized for essentially black balling me. But still. The now I know where I rank with the owner, and it’s not giving me any incentive to stick around.
Which leads perfectly into my next update…
That interview from last week that was rescheduled for Tuesday? NAILEDDDDD ITTT! I showed up looking On. Fleek… Business dress, natural makeup, new heels. I had my folder filled with four copies of my newly designed resume and references – printed on Executive Bright White paper from FedEx Kinkos. I sweetly greeted the receptionist, because you know those ladies report how applicants behave, and she handed me a clipboard of paperwork to fill out.
Now, I should explain this company a little– They are an amazing staffing agency who focus mainly on temp-to-hire. Everything is long term, no crappy companies, etc. So Mr. Will walked out to greet me, and I apologized for last week. He brushed it off and thanked me for following up so well. We walk into his office, and he asks if I would be okay with someone sitting in on the interview. I tell him of course… he does a double take and asks, “It wouldn’t intimidate you, right?” and with an air of humor and confidence I reply, “Nah, I’m a good interviewer!” With one eye down the hall, waving Hannah into the office, and one eye on me, I could tell he was already impressed, and laughing. I won’t bore you with details, but I will say this: he ranked me in the top 3 of his last 20 applicants, he laughed at my salary request, but said he can get me there (relatively soon), and he kept emphasizing “WHEN you come to work for us…” They don’t accept everyone, only about 25% of the applicants. He is going to look for an opening that would be a good fit, and since I’m currently working, we’re in no hurry which is great. It was a dream interview. We literally walked to the lobby laughing, shook hands, and parted ways. Legit, I felt like a regular Courtney Kerr walking out of a BaubleBar meeting!
I can’t wait to hear back from Mr. Will. That reminds me— I need to send a thank you card asap! HOMIE this week goes to me. Kuppy. I deserve this.
Maybe it’s because I have a crippling fear of failure. Or maybe it’s because I always thought people were exaggerating when they told me I am ‘bright’ and ‘sharp.’ Because that’s what people in the south do… we try to magnify the good in the people that we love, to lift them up and hope that their wings will take flight.
I am ‘Jack of All Trades, Master of None’ personified. Nothing in my formative years captured my attention in a way that I just knew what I wanted to do with my career or even my life. On top of which, society let me be a ditsy goofball who threw herself aimlessly into pointless high school courses, and collaged her walls with posters of teen heart throbs and boy bands. Innocent and wide-eyed (and maybe even ignorant) until I was at least 21 (as much as I dislike deflecting blame) I truly feel as though I was let down by my mentors during childhood. Whatever happened to the ‘Village’ raising the children? Granted, I should have believed my family and elders when they called me ‘bright’ and ‘sharp,’ but when my peers called me ‘thick’ and ‘ditsy,’ I’m much more likely to be influenced by the latter. To jump to the point, I am now creeping up to the doorstep of my 32nd birthday, and I am just now believing that I’m worth a certain pay scale (think middle of the 25% tax bracket range… still not shooting for the stars, but one step at a time, here!). –Please note, I am not trying to say nothing was my fault, and I am currently taking the steps to change my direction. But I WILL try to guide more young people to success, you can be sure of that!
So here I am. I beefed up my resume, had my [more] professional friends brainstorm with me on how I could set myself up for a better situation, and I applied for a handful of jobs. That afternoon, I received a call from someone who seemed incredibly interested in interviewing me. Immediately overwhelmed with happiness and disbelief, it started to sink in that maybe I deserve this. Maybe I had put in enough
bitch work to count for paying my dues. The night before the interview, I filled out the extra paperwork that the recruiter had emailed to me, I printed my resume and a list of references on special paper, and I planned the proper attire. I woke up, hurried to style my hair, made sure I had everything I needed, and I hit the road….. until I was at a dead stand still on the freeway. I’ll give you the Reader’s Digest version and say that after I attempted two alternate routes, I quickly called to reschedule. LUCKILY, the recruiter already knew that I am still employed, and that there was no way we could have a successful interview with the time constraints. We rescheduled for an afternoon next week. Now comes the tricky part….
In order to avoid the rush hour traffic, I took the largest back road available (Manchaca) and decided to take it all the way to William Cannon, where my current office is. Memory triggered: William Cannon and Manchaca is where my mom, sister, and I lived during my 3rd and 4th grade years. Not the best area, and not my fondest memories. No big deal, though, I’ve been there dozens of times since, and it’s fine. Memory triggered: my mom didn’t have the greatest job at that time, and it didn’t take her long to marry someone out of
a mother’s survival instinct for her children love. That is when the negative self-talk began. “You’re never going to get out of the cycle set forth by your mother.” “Try as you might to claw your way out of the bottom of the barrel, your journey will always lead you back to this point.” I desperately tried to spin it (I resent my amazing PR skills most days). “This is just a reminder of how badly you need to respect yourself, and create an amazing future,” I told myself. “This was the best your mother was capable of at the time and it’s okay to look back, as long as it’s just for a moment, and it is only to be used as leverage.”
So I did it. I drove through the old neighborhood. Of course the houses are way tiny… smaller than I remember from childhood memories, of course. Bars are still on the windows of certain homes, lawns are depressingly overgrown…. The house I distinctly remember to have been the home of the rumored drug dealer looked like it had been condemned. I wanted to cry. In fact, I pulled over and allowed myself a moment for deep breathing. But there were no tears, no relief. Even now… I’m trying to let it go, but I can’t. Maybe because I know that it will always be a part of me. But I’m determined to only let it be a stepping stone in my journey, not a destination.
I will keep you all posted on how my interviews go. Thanks for reading, and please only let this entry be a motivation to be better, do better, and feel better.
PS: I tried to Google Map a picture of the house so y’all could see… it must have been National Mow Your Yard and Plant Pretty Flowers Day, because that picture looks like it was staged by a realtor… if I get over there again, I will take pics.
For this post, there is no ‘Jackhole;’ there is only a ‘Homie.’ Adam ‘MCA’ Yauch of the Beastie Boys passed away this weekend after years of battling cancer, and I don’t believe that posting a satirical contrast would pay him the respect that he deserves. MCA (MC Adam) contributed to so much of my youth and I am literally in tears from his passing. Honestly, it’s a little out of character for me to respond like this to the death of a celebrity. Even sweet little Brittany Murphy didn’t get so much as a single teardrop. So why, then, are the water works turning on in this case? Probably because his death is actually due to life happening to a person… not a person living on the edge.
Not to mention, I have been listening to the Beastie Boys for 20 years. They helped me through my awkward adolescence, my young adult rebellion, and everything in between. How many bands can anyone say that about? Crazy ish, man. And that was in the 90’s, when I lived in the suburbs and everyone pretty much did as they were told. Everyone needs a little bit of healthy rebellion. Literally, the first rebellious music I ever listened to was -ironically- on the way to church camp when I was 11. My sister’s boyfriend had his boombox on his lap, and he played his cassette with ‘No Sleep Till Brooklyn’ and ‘Fight for Your Right,’ and I was hooked. I had never had a single thought of defiance. Granted, an 11 year old should have boundaries… but what about a person’s individuality? What about their personal views that need developing? MCA was the last piece of the puzzle before Beastie Boys chose their new name, their direction, and went on to create music that would remain classics for decades.
And I’m just a grain of sand… when you have Snoop Dogg, Justin Timberlake, Rainn Wilson, and Rev Run tweeting in mourning, you know the whole nation has been affected.
MCA, you will live on in my iPod forever… or until the world revolutionizes mp3’s. I’ll keep rockin your party eight days a week:)
Okay, so let’s just say for the record, I have always loved the Real Housewives. Dating back to the first episode of Orange County six years ago, my dream has always to become even a third as successful as these women. Many of them are down to earth, making time for their children, reading the Bible and putting God first, and holding each others’ hands during times of true heartache.
However, I have a couple of fundamental issues that are bothering me regarding their actions and their speech, so let’s dive right in, shall we?
First and foremost, let’s be honest. I’m not super familiar with Heather’s financial situation, but ALL of the other four women have issues in that department. Either they are stressed about being the breadwinner for their families, or they can’t make the mortgage payment without the help of a spouse (happy or estranged). They’re dating men who can’t pay the same amount of child support as they could have in 2007, or they’re trying to beat the system of ‘foreclosure.’ None of them have room to talk, and yet, they always find the time to sit under a nice shady grove and spill some tea. For shame. Even if any of the ladies did have wonderful finances, shouldn’t they (as many of them are self-proclaimed God-fearing citizens) feel empathy rather than self-righteousness? In this great, capitalist country in which we live, the economy is capable of slipping. So the only thing we can do, or should do, is be supportive of each other and try to make tomorrow a better day.
Secondly, can we please talk about the grammatical errors that these women use far too regularly?! I know that I’m no one spectacular, but if nothing else, I am well-spoken and I chew with my mouth closed. I don’t know, isn’t that pretty much the bare minimum?? Many of these girls use incorrect grammar constantly and it has gotten on my last nerve. I look up to Vicki like crazy, simply due to her resilience in relationships and in finance. However, when she says the word, ‘I,’ when she should use the word, ‘me,’ I just want to punch her. Grammar lesson, Ladies!! If, when you take all of the other subjects out of a sentence, the correct pronoun for yourself is ‘me,’ then when you put all the other subjects back in, you say, ‘me!!’ I know it sounds like the opposite of what we were taught in elementary school, however, the fact remains that you weren’t listening well enough. Please. I beg of you. Take a grammar lesson so you can return to the top of my list of mentors. At that juncture, I may be able to -once again- overlook all of your ridiculous drama. Okay, I take that back. I love the drama. Keep that ridiculousness coming.
Homies AND Jackholes this week: RHOC
Sammi ‘The sweetest
bitch you’ll ever meet’ Giancola isss hilarious. I have never been into watching Jersey Shore, but my roommates are die-hard and I don’t have cable in my room. Thus, my new favorite reality personality.
In Season 5, Episode 4 of Jersey Shore, the cast was partying at Karma, as per the norm. Supposedly out of nowhere, Sammi was ‘attacked by like a swarm of f******
bitches.’ Apparently, they pulled her hair and threw her drink. She definitely threw down before literally being thrown through the front door by bouncers. As the rest of the cast joined her on the walk back to their beach house, Ronnie made the comment that Sammi was bleeding. Without skipping a beat, Sammi shouts, “Did you see me? It was me against the WORLDDD! AND I still held my clutch! You don’t yank my newly weave, that I just got… I was always taught to like, self-defend myself.” BAAAAAhahahahaha! Really? I love.
You are my ‘Homie’ of the week, Sam. Don’t let nobody mess with your drink, your clutch, or your newly weave!
Snooki. Really? That’s all I can say to your struggle that is Season 5’s Episode 5, immediately following your lack of bladder control.
Nicole -Snooki- Polizzi actually peed down her leg. …Half drunk laughing, half embarrassed, this meatball ran to the
ladies room in Karma, sprayed her ‘kooka‘ multiple times to give herself a ‘Shore Shower‘. She didn’t fully clean herself, she didn’t wash her hands, and she shouted, “I’m not dirty!!!” —OKAY PAUSE!!! Yes you ARE dirty, lady! Lol are you out of your mind?! Sick McNasty!— Before going out the next night, Snooki prepared herself with backup (booty shorts over her panties) as a proactive measure. After waking up, Snooki called for a doctor’s appointment and was later diagnosed with a UTI. Her very professional views as a graduated vet tech — drink enough alcohol to numb the pain in her mind and in her kooka. Regardless of the fact that you provide me with many brain-cell-losing laughter, you, my friend are a Jackhole.
‘Jackhole.’ Lol that’s all I can say at this point in time.
I began this blog as an assignment for a Mass Comm class with Phil Gordon at Utah Valley University. On what must have been the first day of class, Phil told us about a student he had kept in contact with over the years who had formed a band. Skyler Nielsen, now living in L.A. with said band, promotes solely by means of social media. That in and of itself is pretty impressive, since they are apparently living comfortably in a very expensive city. Oh No Not Stereo, who proudly remains independent, spent 16 weeks conceptualizing videos for each of their 10 songs on their full-length release last summer. Namely, the video for their song ‘All You‘ was then licensed in order to be played on the revamped Beavis and Butthead. Not too shabby for a dude who can’t hear in stereo…
The ‘Homie’ of the week award goes to Skyler and Oh No Not Stereo. We will no doubt see impressive things from you.
How ashamed I am that I listen to Breathe Carolina. Bug-eyed and not cute, BC started basically with just a synthesizer and MySpace. Ummm… forreal? These guys make music that stays on REPEAT on my iHome and it disgusts me. To rev up their street cred, these dudes added a few actual musicians to their ensemble, though much of their music remains electronic. Really and truly, I feel as though they should have taken a cue from Gorillaz and made themselves to be cartoon characters to avoid the inevitable scrutiny that they would be put under for being so fugly. Legit, I cannot watch their videos on YouTube. I press play and switch tabs quickly. If necessary, I will listen to an entire ad about baby diapers to avoid possibly seeing their faces.
‘Jackhole’ of the week goes to Breathe Carolina. Please stop making music videos, and please send me your new album. *shudders*..